This story actually starts with a brief discussion on gender relations here in Georgia. I'm going to come right out and say it, in this country women definitely get the short end of the stick. In general, women are expected to marry relatively young, begin having children, and keep house for their husband and his family. Every married couple I have met in Georgia so far lives in the husband's childhood home. It is also usually expected that an accomplished wife will have a job, and to the credit of the women here, most of the doctors, dentists, and pharmacist I have met in Georgia are women.
Now this doesn't sound radically different from many women's lives in the states, I realize, but don't forget that many homes in this country lack modern conveniences that save American housewives a great deal of time. For example, an American housewife in need of cheese or milk will simply pop down to the nearby grocery store and purchase these items. In contrast, most Georgian women spend a hearty chunk of their day tending and milking the family cow, and then processing the milk into cheese, sour cream, or yogurt. Additionally from what I have experienced, American husbands are much more involved in home life than Georgian men, who are often content to simply sit around and get drunk while their wives, daughters, mothers, and sisters, feed them and clean for them.
Furthermore, there is an incredible social stigma against women doing certain things, notably smoking and drinking. If I attend a supra with my host family, the men at the table would probably make a toast to me and then ignore me for the rest of the night. In fact, if there were more men than available places at the table, I would be expected to leave the table and join the other women, probably in the kitchen. However, if one of my male friends attends a supra with his host family, he is immediately made the center of the party. This practice occasionally works out in my favor. I'm never pressured into getting completely drunk on a Wednesday afternoon, as is a common occurrence in the lives of many male TLG volunteers, but these stigmas can build up over time in to a sense of rejection and isolation.
Finally, as a woman, and an obvious foreigner, I have, on more than one occasion, received unpleasant, unwanted, and uninvited attentions from Georgian men. These unfortunate experiences are probably due in part to the irritating expectation that American women will take their clothes off for you as soon as look at you, and some of it is probably a result of the strict expectation that Georgian women be virgins when they marry. In fact, a Georgian bridegroom who discovers that his bride is not a virgin can legally cancel the marriage and kick her out of the house, no questions asked. However, that in no way excuses the fact that when I said "No," these boys just kept coming. What alarmed me the most was the matter of fact way that they came after me, as if I should expect nothing more or less.
Now, I want to make something clear. There are a lot of wonderful, hard working, polite men here that I have come to care for a great deal and who have been nothing but kind and welcoming to me. My host father, while he does occasionally invite over his drunk friends and eat all of the food in the house, is a good natured man who makes taking care of his family his first priority. I am in no way suggesting that all Georgian men would make untoward advances to a young woman, that they are all the same, or that they all fit the description I have given of them here, because I don't believe that. Nor do I believe that all Georgian women work as hard as I have described, or have as many hardships. However, these are observations I have made through my interactions with Georgians in my village, and descriptions I have received from my friends placed around the country.
OK. Here's where the story gets good.
As I am taking my evening stroll through the black hole of productivity that is the Facebook news feed, I noticed a friend of mine had posted this quote as his status, "Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them," (Bill Maher). Immediately my stomach tightens and I rapidly begin composing a novel length response informing my friend just what a up-tight, woman hating, ass hole he is, and how he has no right telling any woman what they should or should not do. Then I stop to read the comments that have already been posted to this status. They read as follows:
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After reading this incredibly silly string, I take a deep breath and remind myself that it's a joke. It's not a political platform or a religious sentiment, it's not even something my friend actually said, probably just something he happened upon online. Also, my friend is not an ass hole, (though he can occasionally be a pain in the ass).
As I'm shaking off the crazy, I realize that while I would never have found this quotation particularly tasteful, I would not have reacted as violently to it as I did if I had not been living in Georgia for the past few months. Certainly I did not expect to leave this country unchanged, but turning into the kind of person that gets offended at the drop of a hat and vomits social guilt on someone's Facebook page is not really the kind of change I was hoping for. Which is why I have made the resolution that I will not let this country make me bitter and/or crazy.
What I mean by this is that there are some parts of my experience here that are difficult to deal with, and I expected that, but I don't want to come away from those situations angry, or jaded. I want the time that I spend here to add up to something good. Yes, the gender situation makes me uncomfortable, to say the least, and yes, I wish it were different. However, what I will not do, as a result of this, is feel sorry for myself for being a girl, shut myself off from interactions with the male members of Georgian society, or post misguided rants on my friends Facebook pages, all of which I have been tempted to do at one time.
What I will do is appreciate all of the amazing women that I have met here: women who love their families and their country and who work tirelessly and laugh readily. These women are smart, funny, and spirited and I am grateful everyday to be welcomed into their homes, to eat from their table, play with their children, and laugh at their jokes. I hope one day to get as much satisfaction serving a friend as Natia does when she and I are making cake, to have the glow in my cheeks that Nino does when she talks about her husband, or to be able to wrestle with my children the way my host mother does after a day of bone tiring work. To me these women are the heart of Georgia, pounding life into this tiny country with love, laughter, and some really awesome food.
May you grow as much as you have thus far with each new experience you have!! Not all people see what is around them..I'm so glad your eyes and heart are open!
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